We’ve all heard it a thousand times over: humans are social creatures. The emotional and practical support that we seek and receive from our social network of community members, peers, friends, family, and significant others is vital to our physical and mental health (1). Positive social support can improve resilience to stress, protect against developing trauma-related psychopathology, and even reduce medical morbidity and mortality (1). Knowing the role that social support plays in our overall well-being is one thing; however, what does this mean on an individual level? Where do we turn for social support, and what are we asking for when we do? What individual characteristics affect how we seek support and how much it helps us? Importantly, what are the best ways that our loved ones can be there for us and how we can do the same for them?
Overall amounts of support-seeking can be broken down into two distinctive categories: how many supporters one seeks (breadth) and the amount of support one seeks from each individual supporter (depth) (2). One study on the topic found that gender and attachment style affected support seeking, with men and avoidantly attached individuals seeking less support overall (2). However, this finding was found to be driven by a decreased willingness to approach supporters in these individuals – although they turned to fewer supporters with a need (breadth), they sought the same amount (depth) of support when they did approach a supporter (2). Illustrating the importance of this topic in finding ways to maximize the positive outcomes of support seeking, greater breadth of support seeking is associated with increases in perceived support availability, while greater breadth and depth of support seeking is associated with increases in self-esteem, (2).
What about the support we seek and receive from a significant other, one of the first people we are likely to turn to in a time of need? This process is again linked to attachment style, specifically attachment avoidance, which is characterized by an aversion to emotional intimacy and openness. One study demonstrated that individuals high in avoidance exhibit negative responses (on metrics like distress, self-efficacy, distancing from partner, etc.) in response to low-to-moderate levels of support, but more positive responses as support levels shift from moderate to high (3). To explain this phenomenon, it was concluded that while low levels of support fed into avoidant individuals’ expectations of unreliability from caregivers, high levels of support overcome the defenses built up by highly avoidant individuals by providing undeniable evidence of their partner’s availability (3).
How do these findings help us get the most out of the support that we receive from our social networks, especially significant others, and provide the most beneficial support to the people who turn to us in times of need? There’s no one-size-fits-all way to seek or provide support; rather, it’s important to understand how your own characteristics like attachment style, gender, and even ethnicity can influence who you ask for support from and how (4). If you’re successful, positive social support has a wealth of beneficial outcomes, ranging from mental health (decreased distress, increased self-efficacy and self esteem, greater partner trust in the case of support from a significant other) to physical (social support has been linked to smoking cessation, improved dietary intake, and increased physical activity) (3, 5). So, in conclusion, asking for help might not be easy, but the benefits of leaning on friends and loved ones in times of need are worth it.
Works cited:
- Ozbay, F., Johnson, D. C., Dimoulas, E., Morgan, C. A., Charney, D., & Southwick, S. (2007). Social support and resilience to stress: from neurobiology to clinical practice. Psychiatry (Edgmont (Pa. : Township)), 4(5), 35–40. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2921311/
- Armstrong, B. F., & Kammrath, L. K. (2015). Depth and Breadth Tactics in Support Seeking. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 6(1), 39-46. https://doi.org/10.1177/1948550614546049
- Girme, Y. U., Overall, N. C., Simpson, J. A., & Fletcher, G. J. O. (2015). “All or nothing”: Attachment avoidance and the curvilinear effects of partner support. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 108(3), 450–475. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0038866
- Kaniasty, K. and Norris, F.H. (2000), Help-Seeking Comfort and Receiving Social Support: The Role of Ethnicity and Context of Need. American Journal of Community Psychology, 28: 545-581. https://doi.org/10.1023/A:1005192616058
- Greaney ML, Puleo E, Sprunck-Harrild K, Haines J, Houghton SC, Emmons KM. Social Support for Changing Multiple Behaviors: Factors Associated With Seeking Support and the Impact of Offered Support. Health Education & Behavior. 2018;45(2):198-206. doi:10.1177/1090198117712333
You make a great point about the importance of understanding one’s own attachment style and what shapes it. While we’ve been reading about exactly that, and though we’ve been talking a lot about it in class, I still find myself asking the question of how people can commonly identify those things. I don’t see it as something that’s easy, nor is it common knowledge. I’d be interested to learn how this can play out in a more day-to-day setting, with people who aren’t as familiar to the concept as psychology students would be.
Lindsay, I found your blog post to be super informative! I appreciate how you delved into the nuances of seeking support and highlighted its profound significance in our lives. Madison’s comment sparked thoughts regarding the impact of digital communication on the willingness to seek support. I’m curious if the less personal, more robotic nature of texting in times of need might be more effective for avoidant individuals compared to in-person interactions. Does gaining support via text yield similar effectiveness, or is in-person support considered more ideal?
I really like how you highlight the finding that very high levels of social support can overcome the defenses of avoidant individuals, as it’s important to find ways to help others, regardless of attachment type. I agree that it’s important to know how your own characteristics impact your experience of the world and how you ask for support, but I would extend this to say it can be important to also know that about your close others. Because if you have a greater understanding of their needs, you can better support them and be a secure base/safe haven for them. You said that ethnicity can influence support-seeking, and I’d be interested to learn more specifically about what this impact may be.
Lindsay — Your blog post highlights the crucial role of social support in our well-being, focusing on how individual traits, like attachment styles and gender, influence support-seeking behavior. It makes me curious about how cultural norms shape support dynamics and the impact of digital communication on these relationships. How can we encourage those less inclined to seek support to do so more effectively, and what are the implications of online platforms on the quality of support exchanged?