We’ve all experienced conversations with someone who appears disengaged—whether they’re glancing over your shoulder, fixated on their phone, or responding with the generic “that’s crazy.” Such interactions often leave people with a sense of detachment and the feeling that the other person isn’t interested in establishing a close relationship. When it comes to building romantic relationships, conversations such as these are counterproductive; forming a close relationship requires that both parties are willing to self-disclose (share personal, vulnerable information with someone) and to be responsive (supporting and validating the other person). The interplay between between self-disclosure and responsiveness is the gateway to close relationships.
Mindfulness, defined as “cultivating awareness by focusing on the present moment, on purpose, non-judgmentally” (Ketay et al., 2022), plays a positive role in the early stages of close relationships. Mindfulness encompasses five facets: Observing, Describing, Acting with Awareness, Nonjudging, and Nonreactivity. A study by Ketay et al. (2022) explored how mindfulness relates to self-disclosure and responsiveness, particularly in conversations with unfamiliar individuals. The findings indicated that individuals scoring higher on the mindfulness dimension of Observing were more likely to self-disclose and exhibit responsiveness when engaging with new acquaintances. Furthermore, those paired with someone scoring higher on Observing were also more prone to self-disclosure and increased responsiveness. Being mindful, especially observant, appears to contribute to more satisfying relationships, underscoring the importance of cultivating mindfulness.
Mindfulness Practices to Strengthen Your Romantic Relationships
- Expressing Gratitude
Lambert and Fincham (2011) found that when participants were asked to focus on expressing gratitude to their friend in a way they would not normally do (e.g. writing an email, a kind note, telling him/her how much you appreciate something specific about he or she) for three weeks, both participants’ positive perception of the friend and comfort in voicing relationship concerns increased. They attributed these findings to the positive perception that participants formed for their friend when they received gratitude, creating a safe environment for them to voice their concerns. The findings indicate that expressing gratitude regularly may increase the mindfulness dimension of Describing (“the tendency to describe internal experiences using words” (Ketay et al., 2022)) and foster self-disclosure.
- Belly-Breathing Exercises
Belly-breathing exercises, also known as Diaphragmatic Breathing, is a practice of deep breathing that focuses on contracting the diaphragm, expanding the belly, and deep inhalation and exhalation. Ma et al. (2017) instructed participants in an experimental condition to complete an intensive training for 20 sessions, over 8 weeks, using a real-time feedback device, and an average respiratory rate of 4 breaths/min while the control group did not receive the treatment. The participants in the experimental condition were found to have sustained attention after treatment and lower cortisol levels. While not explicitly tied to relationship improvement, enhanced attention and reduced stress levels suggest potential benefits for improving active listening and increased responsiveness in relationships.
- Ketay, S., Thorson, K. R., Roy, A. R. K., & Welker, K. M. (2022). Trait Mindfulness is Associated with Self-Disclosure and Responsiveness During Social Interactions with New Acquaintances. Mindfulness, 14(1), 205–217. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-022-02044-w
- Lambert, N. M., & Fincham, F. D. (2011). Expressing gratitude to a partner leads to more relationship maintenance behavior. Emotion, 11(1), 52–60. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0021557
- Ma, X., Yue, Z. Q., Gong, Z. Q., Zhang, H., Duan, N. Y., Shi, Y., Wei, G. X., & Li, Y. F. (2017). The effect of diaphragmatic breathing on attention, negative affect and stress in healthy adults. Frontiers in Psychology, 8. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00874
I like the two articles you used to explain good mindfulness practices because they are both very practical and achievable. In particular, I would not have guessed that deep breathing could help enhance attention and lower cortisol levels — surprising that such an easy activity can have that much of an impact on your health! Additionally, “expressing gratitude to their friend in a way they would not normally do” is another great way to improve mindfulness and, potentially, relationship building. It’s something we often fail to do, but when we do, it’s a great feeling for both parties. These practices can easily be implemented in our daily lives, suggesting that mindfulness is not static.
I think this post is thoughtful, and I like how it emphasizes the importance of self-disclosure and responsiveness; it highlights how being present at the moment can enhance communication and deepen connections, which I think is true. Also, the practical mindfulness practices suggested, such as expressing gratitude and belly-breathing exercises, offer tangible ways to cultivate awareness and foster a supportive relationship environment.